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Imposter Syndrome

 A feeling of inadequacy, when in fact, you are enough. That is how I would describe Imposter Syndrome. 

Someone with IP might attribute their success to "being at the right place at the right time", luck, chance, or fortune. They rarely believe they are competent. They strive for perfection. 

Accompanying symptoms might include anxiety, self-doubt, shame, and fear. 

When I scored a 73 on the IP Quiz, I was shocked. Not because it was high, but because it wasn't higher. In a way, I almost think I've improved in my feelings of inadequacy, and I know I still have a long ways to go.

When I got into OT school, I will be the first to admit the feelings of worry and stress were at the forefront of my mind. I worried about the caseload, completing anatomy, and simply being competent enough to finish all of the didactic coursework. As school progressed, I quickly let these fears manifest. I started to become extremely self-conscious and rarely felt like I matched up to the rest of my peers. For a while, I felt like I was good at "faking it" or displaying that I was ok, when inside, I was in full panic. The longer I let these feelings sit, the more I began to go into conversations or classes with peers believing they thought those same things about me too. As you can imagine, this became an unhealthy cycle, one that I had to learn to become aware of in order to begin to absorb the confidence I so desperately needed in myself. For me, the "intervention" I turned towards was simply grace. I needed to give grace to not only myself, but the people around me who I so quickly believed to be an enemy because of how high I put them above myself. In addition, I truly had to remind myself the beauty of each individuals unique gifts, passions, and strengths, and not compare them to my own. 

I'm unsure if there really is a "cure" for IP, but what I do know is that "comparison is the biggest thief of joy" and I never want to lose my joy. 

As we enter this period of finals, our White Coat Ceremony, and Level II Fieldwork's, I do have a sense of pride knowing that I'm here because of the work I've done and the people who have believed, invested, and encouraged me all along the way. Here's to embracing the process of believing in myself!!

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